I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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