Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
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I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
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Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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