My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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