all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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