I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
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Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
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I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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