"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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