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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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