Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
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