doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
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We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
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passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
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