I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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