Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
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She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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