i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize