Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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