3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
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Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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