Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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