OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
His hands were made for my vagina.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
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