a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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