My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
We're too hungover to prance.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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