Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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