I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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