At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
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Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
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I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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