Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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