I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize