I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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