Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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