I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
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There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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