People in love make me want to vomit
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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