i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize