the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize