I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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