Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize