I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize