I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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