thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize