Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Just invented taco cereal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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