Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
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See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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