she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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