The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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