before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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