she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
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It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
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I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
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