end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
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Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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