I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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