If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I cannot find my penis.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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