My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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