turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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