; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
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You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
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Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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