Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
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So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
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Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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