Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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