woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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