Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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